Peter Pan: Adult Reluctance to Grow Up Syndrome, Common in Men

Peter Pan Syndrome (PPS) is a common psychological term used to describe an adult who has difficulty growing up. A woman who once dated a man with this syndrome said she felt like a mothe.r.

Have you ever met someone who is an adult but still acts like a chil.d? Doesn't want to take responsibility, is afraid of commitment, is afraid of work pressure or marriage?

They may be suffering from a psychological phenomenon called Peter Pan Syndrome - the name is inspired by the famous cartoon character "the bo.y who never grew up".

Although not officially classified as a mental disorder in medical literature, Peter Pan Syndrome is increasingly being studied and recognized by modern psychologists as a problem that affects personal and social life.

Sharing on NBC News, Cathy Hayes (43 years old) said that she discovered she was dating a man with Peter Pan syndrome after 5 months of contact. "He was 40 years old, never married, no children. He was smart, funny and could be said to be a good person. However, he had absolutely no idea how to maintain a relationship or how to date the opposite se.x," she said.

Cathy said that over time she felt more like a mothe.r than a girlfriend in the relationship. "I started to feel uncomfortable when he would come over to my house and ask to stay. Plus, he would ask me to do things like give him back rubs or prepare meals. I even had to drive him home the next morning," she said.

Hayes's communication with her boyfriend was also erratic. "He would not talk to me for days and then suddenly sho.w up. For five months, he never told me what he thought of me as a lover, nor did he try to communicate about our relationship. I felt like we were just friends who saw each other every now and then," she said.

According to NBC News, the lack of communication, avoidance of commitment, and some of the childish behavior that Hayes described are all signs of someone with PPS.

What is Peter Pan syndrome?

The term "Peter Pan Syndrome" was first coined by psychologist Dr. Dan Kiley in 1983 in his book "The Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up." Kiley describes adults - especially men - who refuse to grow up emotionally and psychologically, often tending to:

- Avoid personal responsibility

- Don't want to be tied down in love

- Easily influenced by emotions, impulsive

- Looking for a sense of fun and freedom like a chil.d

- Difficulty maintaining a long-term job or managing personal finances

What does scientific research say?

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with mature avoidant traits tend to score high on a trait called "immaturity," and tend to experience higher levels of anxiety and depression.

Another study from the University of Granada (Spain) surveyed more than 300 adults aged 25-45 and confirmed: "Peter Pan syndrome is not related to intellectual capacity, but related to adaptive skills and social responsibility".

According to the research team, an overprotective upbringing environment, pressure to succeed from modern society and a prolonged period of economic dependence are the main reasons why some adults tend to "step back" and not want to take on adult roles.

Signs of Peter Pan syndrome

Not all young, freedom-loving people have this syndrome. However, if an adult has the following symptoms over a long period of time, there may be a problem:

- Always blame others, do not take responsibility.

- Constantly changing jobs, lack of career orientation.

- Fear of commitment in relationships, fear of marriage.

- Dependent on parents, both financially and emotionally.

- Easily irritated, impulsive, lack of emotional control.

- Enjoy, avoid difficulties.

- Impact on life and relationships.

According to clinical psychologist Julie L. Hall, an author specializing in family psychology, Peter Pan Syndrome most affects the sufferer's loved ones - especially their spouse.

People living with someone with this syndrome often feel exhausted, because they have to shoulder the responsibility, while lacking emotional support in return.

Additionally, in the workplace, people who “refuse to grow up” can affect team performance, due to their inability to collaborate long-term, lack of responsibility, and inability to adapt to pressure.

What causes Peter Pan syndrome?

There is very little research on Peter Pan syndrome, so psychologists do not know exactly what causes the behavior. Some experts believe that having an overprotective parent or caregiver may make a person more likely to develop the syndrome.

The reason behind this is that when caregivers overprotect or over-protect children, they fail to develop the skills needed to cope with the challenges of real life. They may expect the same safe, privileged childhood environment as adults.

According to Kiley, the seeds of Peter Pan syndrome are sown in childhood. Symptoms can begin to appear around ag.e 11 or 12, and become more common as children enter adolescence.

Treatment

Although not classified in the DSM-5 (diagnostic manual of mental disorders), Peter Pan Syndrome can be improved through psychological counseling and behavioral therapy.

According to psychologist Steven Meyers (Roosevelt University, USA), treatment of this syndrome should focus on:

- Raise personal awareness of roles and responsibilities.

- Practice self-management and independence skills.

- Working with distorted beliefs formed in childhood.

- Support families in changing their behavior towards the sick person.

- Creating an environment that does not foster dependency (e.g. no more unconditional financial protection) is also important.

Early recognition, correct understanding and appropriate support will help people with the disease gradually learn to take control of their lives, thereby building healthy relationships and living a more mature and fulfilling life.

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